![]() Take him by the hand and gently lead him to the car. Watch for the second hand to go around twice and then come get me when my two minutes are up." Hand him a watch with a second hand and say, "It will take me about two minutes to pay the bill. ![]() What could you do to help them get ready?", or, "See if they want you to turn out the lights or hold the door for them." "I wonder how you will get in the car tonight – hopping like a bunny, or swinging your arms like an elephant." "Here comes the tickle monster to get little boys who aren't ready to go." Would you carry my purse to the car for me?" Then say, "I can't wait to hear about your fun time. Ask for a hug first, instead of telling him it is time to go.You might try one or several of the following: And, you have learned that punishment (even when poorly disguised as consequences) are not effective. It is obvious to you that you are engaged in a power struggle – one that escalated to a revenge cycle. I hope you will read more about mistaken goals so you will have an even deeper understanding of my suggestions. I will not take time to say more about these goals now, but you can do a search on our website for "mistaken goals" and will find lots of information – and there are mistaken goal charts in all of our books. That is why I am so grateful that I found the Positive Discipline Methods.ĭuring the lecture I shared that a "misbehaving child is a discouraged child", but I didn't have time to go into the four mistaken goals of behavior: Undue Attention, Misguided Power, Revenge, and Assumed Inadequacy. I have been there and know how awful it feels. It makes me not want to go out in public for fear the struggle I always have.Īngie, I feel like crying with you. I cannot let him "stay" when a place is closing and am constantly giving him "2 more minutes" for everything. ![]() The rest of the evening was uneventful and we both went to bed shortly thereafter. When we got home, I unbuckled him and asked if he wanted to cuddle with me, which he did, hiccupping and crying on my shoulder for several minutes. I told him I was sorry I slapped him and we took a time-out together in the rocking chair. He was crying uncontrollably then, and for a short trip on the freeway he screamed and I was ready to burst into tears. I lost it and slapped his face, told him to shut up with that talk. (That word is not allowed at our house - so he knows it's "my button.") By the time we reached the freeway, he was alternating crying and calling me stupid. While I backed the car out, he said "You're really stupid! I don't love you! I'm going to rip your face off so you die!" he continued with "You're stupid" for about a mile. He's a typical sized 5-year-old, so this was no small feat. I eventually had to pick him up kicking, screaming, and crying, carry him to the car, and since he wouldn't get in his car seat, I had to do that for him too. Then Sean just huddled in the corner and said "I don't want to go home." You get the picture. So I shut off the TV (while he screamed about it) and told him he could watch a cartoon once we got home. So he got up and headed for the front door, but instead darted off into the TV room which had a movie playing. Time to go." To which he responded "I want to play some more - just one more time." I said no and when he wouldn't leave the machine, I shut it off, took out the cartridge and said "Sean, its time to leave. Then I told Sean "Okay, honey, your 2 minutes are up. During those 2 minutes, I paid the bill and used the restroom. When I arrived to get him last night, Sean asked if he could stay 2 more minutes to play Nintendo. Last night leaving the Klubhouse was particularly bad - I'm crying as I recount this to you. I've tried using "consequences" with him, which is usually removing a privilege (story time, bedtime songs, a favorite toy, etc.) it doesn't always work, and never works the first time I ask. My problem is I always have a power struggle with him when its time to leave, whether it's the Klubhouse, or his everyday care provider, or leaving the park - wherever. Sean loves it there and he loves the care provider. While I was at the seminar, Sean was at a drop in day care (Klubhouse) that stays open into the late evening. Last night, I attended a seminar with Jane Nelsen after working all day. ![]() I am a single mother and have one 5-year-old son, Sean. ![]()
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